Tribute to Robert Davolt
Some Myths and Mysteries of Leather
By: Robert Davolt;
Once upon a time, working at the infamous Rod's bar in the heart of the Midwest, we had a theory about the shy, nervous folk who would come into a leather bar for the first time. We figured that half were deathly afraid that some Tom-of-Finland type would grab them right there, chain them up and do unspeakable things to them. The other half were bitterly disappointed if that didn't happen.
Of course we don't care what people on the outside think. That's why there are leather leadership conferences, workshops, mouthpieces, archives and museums to polish our image. I have often been asked to speak to groups or write explaining "leather" to those who are not into it. I will be followed next week by a another guest explaining aquarium maintenance for those not into that, but this week it's my turn:
Myth #1- "My friend knows all about Leather and HE says..."
Leather (capital "L") can be loosely defined as a journey of discovery. Not a destination, but a journey. If anyone tells you that Leather is a monolithic, universal, unyielding set of rules and conventions, agreed upon back before the earth cooled, you may nod politely but you are under no obligation to actually believe them.
If you and I were to take separate journeys to the same destination, would we take the exact same route? Use the same mode of transportation? Share the road with exactly the same fellow travelers? We might, but most likely not. That is one of the wonderful dimensions about the Leather experience-- the trip has been just a little different for everyone who has traveled it. There is no one, only, singular way.
As a community, our history was long isolated by prejudice, geography and the law. Documenting a past is difficult when many of your cultural artifacts were known to the authorities at the time (and in some jurisdictions, are still considered) as "evidence." Legend often mixes with fact-- making a much more tasty cocktail. Sorry, no one, only, singular history, either.
Traditions evolved as secret, underground codes at different times and at different places. What was expected in New York would send mixed signals in San Francisco and LA. What was gospel in Chicago would cause offense in New Orleans. The urban enclaves took on a much different tone than levi/leather and motorcycle groups in small towns and rural areas. What is most amazing, however, is not what divides us but what we find we have in common.
Myth #2- "'Leather' is such a narrow, limited interest."
Once upon a time, "Leather" stood for a full range of alternate sex. The furtive question "Are you into Leather?" opened up a door to bondage, leather (lowercase "L"), pain, water sports, verbal abuse, prison scenes and a thousand other vistas. Everyone knew that you meant, roughly translated: "Are you kinky?"
Perhaps the term is a bit archaic today. The image of a leather-clad biker that used to strike fear into the hearts of Middle America lost most of its teeth when we saw the late corporate queen Malcolm Forbes in full leather astride his Harley. A result of the Balkanization of gay culture, all the elements that used to march under a general Leather banner now have their own voice as the bear community, the pierced, the latex and water sports enthusiasts, the SM and bondage league with Masters and slaves. In the age of raunchy internet chatrooms and the Starr report on the inside page of our daily newspaper, people feel more comfortable being more explicit.
You will still hear the question "Are you into Leather?" but today one needs to qualify the question, ask some candid follow-ups and consider the source. A typographical determination as to if it is a capital or lowercase "L". For starters, is this person your date or selling you upholstery?
Myth #3- "Leather is just another form of drag."
In that all clothing is "drag," I suppose that might be true. By the about same token most San Franciscans consider the very thin line between "street crime" and "street theater".
Traditionally, Leather speaks a language much like a uniform communicates the rank, service and awards of the wearer. Properly worn, you should be able to get a little insight into who the leatherman is by reading the leather: club affiliations, rank, recent travel, perhaps even a peek at sexual preferences. Of course, clothing can lie just as well as people can.
In brief, keys, chains, hankies, handcuffs, armbands, etc, worn on the left indicate you want to be active or on top in sex. On the right, bottom or passive. A flogger or paddle worn on the left means someone who likes to use said implement on others. Worn on the right indicates a very pushy bottom.
Please note: Insisting on having matching accessories on both sides tends to show indecision or an over-developed sense of balance.
Hanky colors, now showing up as accents, armbands, even cockrings, have grown from a few basic hues to a complex rainbow that requires a Sherwin-Williams color-matching chart to translate. It is all, at its best, communication in a highly imperfect tense. The beginning of a conversation-- not meant to conclude or exclude, but to entice. But if dressing in women's clothing is the very same idea, the same sexual communication, how many drag queens do you know intend to haul you home and do a leg wax and a Lancome makeover in bed?
Myth #4- "Leather people just abuse, hurt and tie each other up."
The association of "Leather" purely with SM or bondage practitioners has always been an uneasy one. Suburbs within the greater kink community can overlap, but aren't always the exact same real estate.
What is traditionally known as leather has less to do with any one activity or fetish, rather an opening to many creative forms of sexual expression. There are trace elements of these proclivities in even the most "vanilla" of sex and one of these dimensions that is openly explored in the leather community is the relationship between pleasure and pain.
Another is the exchange of power, where one party submits completely to another: slaves to masters, submissives to dominants, bottoms to tops. When one starts to mine the deepest and most secret fantasies and sensations, a supportive, confidential, trusted and knowledgeable network is important. In such a relationship, however it is conformed, the most important thing exchanged is trust. It is the intensity of these exchanges that many credit for the deep sense of camaraderie and community that can occur among leatherfolk. These can be powerful forces and one merely plays at them-- isolated, ignorant and unsupported-- at their peril.
Pain, deprivation, confinement, humiliation, fear, etc.- all the sanctions we have been taught to be afraid of since childhood and exactly what every authority uses to control a population. These things that most have been taught to fear, however, we not only squarely face, but embrace, make passionate love to and get off on. Dangerous, subversive folks, these Leather types.
Myth #5- "Leather is just something for pretty boys to pose in."
The male of our species, closely related to peacocks, have a habit of standing around posing hoping to attract something to mate with. Simple marketing. The Leather queen is no less subject to this dynamic than any other. They get more criticism for it because the entire idea of Leather is an unpretentious, unrehearsed masculinity. Primping just isn't butch.
Still, the reasonable rules of everyday attire apply: If it doesn't fit (either physically or psychologically), don't wear it. If you think it means something but you don't know what, don't wear it. Simple and basic is always less tedious but if you must make a statement, don't mumble. Contrary to the Vegas showgirl stuff you see on stage, your outfit should never be more complex, a better topic of conversation or be more sexually stimulating than you are.
Myth #6- "Only old guys are into leather."
Actually, this one isn't entirely a myth. It does depends on where you draw the line that defines "old".
Getting kinky usually takes a certain amount of time. There are of course those who were probably born with a whip in one hand and handcuffs in the other, but most evolve over time.
Many of us came out at a time when there were few gay icons. It took bravery to make a definitive, obvious statement that could shout to the world, "Yes, I am gay!" but even after working up the courage, your choices were limited. Phil Ross once termed this as the "James Dean or Uncle Miltie" choice: full drag or full Leather. Therefore, to a generation wearing leather was also a cry of defiance, a butch sneer in a world used to beating up on pansies. No wonder some survivors of old battles wear cowskins as if they were dress uniforms in a VFW parade. Give a veteran a break, will ya?
If there is a place for experience and wisdom in the gay community, it is in Leather. If there is a place where outsiders, outlaws and the unorthodox belong, it is in Leather. If there is somewhere the places you have been means more than the untidy scars and dust of your journey, it should be in Leather.
When I walked into my first leather bar I was escaping the noisy, fluffy disco down the street. I found a place where a little gray hair was acceptable, even admired. Where a few extra pounds, a face with character, imperfections, experience and authenticity were allowed, even badges of honor.
Myth #7- "Leather is just a bunch of rules and dress codes."
When I first put on a leather jacket it was after six years in the Navy. I had had enough of people telling me what to do and what to wear. Putting on that leather was an act of rebellion, not a reenlistment.
Both leather and Leather become unique to each wearer. After a few dozen sweaty nights and maybe a rainstorm or two, it molds to the body and never fits anyone else as exactly as it fits you. Each scuff and nick has a great story behind it, to be told, exaggerated and retold. The traditions and experiences of Leather are varied, rich and worth getting to know, but it's up to you to wear it awhile, stretch it here and there, break it in and make the tradition uniquely yours. Some assembly required.
When I was in the Navy, stationed aboard ship in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii, there was this obnoxious junior officer who was always trying to get chummy with the enlisted men. An incompetent, annoying, tedious twit, he sucked up to both his men and his superiors-and maintained a resolutely unrealistic view of what each thought of him. He heard his men had nicknamed him Huha (WHO-ha) and asked what it meant. He was told that it was an ancient Hawaiian word for "Great Leader" and was reserved for the most noble of chiefs.
One night our young ensign got drunk and came back to the ship with a tattoo. He proudly showed off his body art with the inscription "HUHA" as proof that he was loved by his men. Now, at the time, tattoos were tolerated on enlisted men but forbidden for officers, so an investigation was launched by the captain and it was during the inquiry that the young officer learned that the nickname actually meant "Head Up His Ass."
Every once in a while, it's a good idea to check things out a bit.
Dual Histories
James M. Loewen, author of Lies My Teacher Told Me and Lies Across America, writes that history actually tells two stories, both of which are important for evaluating the credibility of what we believe to be true. The first story is the actual event, battle, biography or history. The second is the telling of the story: Why was it preserved? Who is telling us the story? What filters has it gone through? Who paid for or sponsored the author, book or monument? What was emphasized or omitted, throwing the story out of proportion? In addition to what we know, it is important to know why we know what we know.
Continuing our series exploring FAQ's (Frequently Asked Questions), here are some to take up where "Myths and Mysteries Of Leather" and "More Myths and Mysteries Of Leather" left off:
Myth #13- "Safewords are not authentic SM."
A reasonably experienced SM practitioner went on to explain, "This safeword thing, as I understand it, is some kind of code word whereby the submissive participant manipulates the dominant participant into doing whatever they want them to do, up to and including getting the dominant participant to stop what they're doing altogether."
But Dorothy, you have always had the power to go home. When a bottom says, "That's enough. Let me out of here right now or I will be back with the cops," most of us consider that a very unambiguous message and a rather bad end to an evening. The idea is to provide a wider range of expression and a narrower chance of criminal charges.
For those who are unclear on the concept, a safeword is method of communication between a dominant and submissive that gives the top feedback without breaking the mood. As an example: When a bottom cries out or winces, a top might ask, "What is your condition, boy?" The bottom answers "Red" (meaning, "Please stop, I have reason to fear injury"), or "Yellow" ("I can take it if you would please continue slowly") or "Green" ("That is great. Please continue, sir"). Some systems are much less complex. A simple, one-word "on" and "off" switch. The fact that it is in code avoids the obvious and fatal scene-stoppers like "Get that damn thing out of there!", "Blue Cross! I have Blue Cross!" and the ever popular "Is it in yet?"
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In these litigious times, a safeword serves to protect the top more than the bottom. It would be nice if all couplings were in long-term, close and monogamous relationships, however in the real world, they are not and people who are strangers engage in activities that require a measure of communication that would normally come with years of experience. A safeword is merely a tool. A communications shortcut. Nothing more, nothing less. You might as well assign "manipulative" qualities to a pair of restraints or tit clamps. It is not sacred, nor is it evil incarnate. It is merely a method. Don't like safewords? Don't use them. . .but have a good attorney on your speed dial.
Some people would do better to worry more about pleasure and people, rather than some elusive "authenticity".
Myth #14- "He's just a self-proclaimed Master."
News flash: There really is no other kind.
After exhaustive research, I have yet to find any record of the Central State Leather College or the International SM Skills Guild that "certified" masters in golden old days. No union, no professional association, no review board, no secret cabal, no framed certificate, no universal standards. I will eagerly accept any evidence that it was ever otherwise.
Yes, there were local knots of men who mentored each other, who acknowledged (and disparaged) each other's skills-- but then, as now, there was no real certification except self-certification. "Schools" such as Butchmann's Academy are fairly recent (and the training facility in "The Compound" was pure Drummer fiction, which comes as a shock to some). You were "Master" when you (or someone else) called you "Master" and it stuck.
It's petty much "caveat emptor (let the buyer beware)" out there choosing masters. Like cheap restaurants that never get reviewed, you rely on word of mouth, do a little checking and try to avoid the ones who send an undue amount of business to local hospitals.
Myth #15- "Slaves don't behave like that."
How just do slaves behave? Since the tradition of slavery covers just about the entire span of human existence, it would follow that a slave's behavior must vary widely as well.
What model should we use? Like much of history, it is not as simplified or as certain as it may be presented. Slaves in the ancient world have been administrators that ran empires or they were propulsion for the galleys. The American experience included field hands, house servants and skilled artisans. Pile on top of that that many modern slaves and masters are ignorant of history and therefore have distorted and cobbled a view of slavery that is uniquely and completely their own.
Usually such a conversation is sparked by some liberty or right that the slave takes that some uninvolved, outside observer thinks is overstepping their station. Once again, it is time to define yourself because even if you go back to historical models, slaves have always some very limited modicum of control over their circumstances. There have always been laws governing the treatment of slaves, much as there are now laws for the responsible treatment of animals and property. There are also distinct rules of etiquette covering the interference of the merely nosy in the behavior of others and their property.
The first thing to do, then, is define your terms. I could have more respect for a position that started out "My slaves are trained to behave this way. . ." or "In the model of slavery which I prefer, this is the way a slave would behave. . ."
Myth #16- "That's not according to protocol."
Protocol? From my experience, leather "protocol" grew out of dozens different protocols: historical, military, slavery, prisons, biker, fraternity, tribal, sports, etc. There was always a certain "creativity" when it came to one's leather journey-- which is how some of these traditions were melded into a workable "culture". There is always an element of picking and choosing, so the culture (its customs and its language) will inevitably change and evolve.
What is offensive in one culture or place is perfectly acceptable in another. Clubs, organizations and loosely-knit leather societies establish their own rituals and custom based on what appeals to them aesthetically and practically. To assume that these protocols are universal and to try to enforce them outside their intended jurisdiction is boorish and not very bright. The easiest way to look like a buffoon is not just being ignorant of custom, but rather trying to apply arbitrary, rigid, self-righteous, foreign customs where they are not native. So, ask a native if this or that is the accepted practice in these parts and leave the enforcement to the locals. Be flexible. Be open to new experiences and interpretations.
Myth #17- "How can you tell what IS "authentic" about the leather tradition?"
Once again, someone mistakenly and tragically thinks that the "leather tradition" is one, monolithic, undeniable code. This is nonsense. This diverse "leather journey" began a long time ago, in many different places and many of us took different routes, in different vehicles, with completely different scenery and traveling companions. There have been many wonderful traditions, rituals, heroes and myths-- we take the ones we like, we believe what is most probable about our history and we have our reasons to support how we think. We discuss and exchange our ideas with others. Issuing absolute edicts of what is and what is not (and calling all else heresy) is a sure way of setting off my bullshit detector. Particularly when the edicts involve something as personal, variable, diverse and uncertain as the leather journey.
Unfortunately, this is the history we have been left. After an entire generation is decimated, the fiction, the jack-off material (and yes, some of the "true" accounts) of a golden yesteryear ends up like found scripture. Instead of learning from real men, a new generation reads and fantasizes, attends a workshop and hangs out in chatrooms. They think THIS is how it was, THIS is how it is supposed to be: A soulless, one-dimensional, narrow, unyielding list of "do's" and "don'ts", "acceptable" and "unacceptable". Yeech.
History is lies men have agreed upon. Leather authenticity is ultimately what works for you, based on what you find credible and convincing. That which makes you a better person and that which ennobles, honors and lifts up those to whom you are happily bound.
Authenticity is found in men's hearts, in an earnest exploration of themselves and their own pain, pleasure and limits, not in The Leatherman's Handbook or any other leather prophet, columnist, pundit, rulebook or magazine-- and that includes my work
"The most essential gift for a good writer is a built-in, shock-proof, bullshit detector." -Ernest Hemingway
Sometimes you hear or see something that isn't blatantly incorrect, but just triggers a low-level, nagging, alarm in the back of your head. You might not know the right answer, but you know what's not right. The numbers may make sense, but it just doesn't add up. Like the ancient Roman trumpeter who is wearing a wristwatch in one of the scenes from the movie "Ben Hur", there something wrong with this picture. These are all indications of a functioning bullshit detector.
For most of us, our gaydar is more finely tuned than our bullshit detectors, but that famous apparatus for detecting another person's Kinsey Scale possibilities can often jam as well. Try walking around San Francisco and correctly guessing the straight ones-both of them. "I find him attractive so he must be gay." Such manual overrides can cause serious gaydar meltdown.
The same problems can arise with one's bullshit detector. You want to believe what is comfortable, what is charming, what is warm and fuzzy. He's cute, so he must be telling me the truth. I care for him, so when he tells me he's not tweaking anymore, I believe him. He's a respected member of the community, he wouldn't do THAT.
Because we tend to believe what we want to believe, we must be even more careful about dissecting our feelings from that which we can prove and support with fact or reason. More than what we know, we must be certain WHY we know what we know.
Continuing our series exploring FAQ's (Frequently Asked Questions), here are some to take up where "Myths and Mysteries Of Leather", "More Myths and Mysteries Of Leather" and "Further Myths and Mysteries Of Leather" left off:
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Myth #18- "This is the Leather Community."
Here is the most basic, ancient question of all tribalism: Who is "in" and who is "out"? Who is "us" and who is "them" and how do we tell the difference?
Unlike geographic, racial, ethnic, religious, fraternal or nationalistic memberships, membership in this leather community of ours is not quite so easily defined. Is it male or does it include women? Is it gay or straight? Just leather or does it include uniforms, rubber, SM, power-exchange, motorcycles or more? Are we a sexual minority? A subculture of the gay community? A fetishist minority? A criminal class?
This may seem to you like a very academic or theoretical discussion. You would be wrong. Put in more pragmatic terms: Who will you allow into your local leather club? Everyday, some organization is asking: If we have a dungeon at our event, how do we decide if leatherwomen are allowed in the dungeon? Will they be in separate spaces? Will men be allowed to participate in a scene with women? Are they still gay at that point or is an SM scene not really "sex"? Even with the best of intentions, omeone has to make these decisions and it gets complex, doesn't it? Particularly when you weigh inclusion against exclusion.
Who represents the concerns of the leather community to the media, the civil authorities and the mainstream gay community? Are these your concerns? Is there a structure of advice and accountability behind these spokespeople? Do they speak for you?
Once upon a time, it was easy to tell. The "leather" community included everyone who had been kicked out of every other community. We were the outcasts, the leftovers, the dark secret of the gay community. A wide variety marched under the general banner of "leather" because there was no other place for us.
Today, the choices are out in the open, out of the darkness. We specialize. The latex community goes one direction, the bear community in another, motorcycle clubs in another, SM practitioners over here. We have the luxury of concentrating on our differences, instead of what we share. If you want to, you can specify, specialize and divide until you are only compatible to you.
A tribe of one.
Many people think we should come up with a new, more descriptive term. Kinkoids, queer (or kweer), twisted, fetishists, or some sort of alphabet soup solution like LGBTQTSMBDUFM. It is such a bother to come up with some way to explain yourself to those who will never understand anyhow.
Still, the leather community endures because membership largely depends on if one believes oneself to be a member. If an individual, an organization or a business identifies itself as a member of the leather community, there is really no basis or mechanism to deny that. Nor should there be. Part of that leather tradition of outcasts is to distrust centralized authority or anyone who says "Nope, you can't do that." or "Go away. You don't belong here." Who knows, may be our resistance to this bureaucratic need to legitimize, categorize, label and file us could be our salvation.
Of course that, in a very incomplete nutshell, is what the leather community is and the debate that will shape our future.
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Myth #19- "I can't be a master. I am a submissive."
"My daddy and I have a slave. I call my Daddy "sir", and the slave calls him "sir" or "master". I don't think it is appropriate for the slave to call me "sir"-I am not a "sir". But "boy" seems disrespectful. What do you suggest?"
Oh, the problems and complications of middle management . . .
The conundrum over names in our community seems to expose some raw edges about our rigid identities: Can a boy be "master" of something? Of course. If one is called "master" does it mean he is everyone's master? Of course not.
Consider it "multitasking" but one can be, all at the same time: a tyrant at work, a submissive at home, a servant to the community, a sadist once a year at Inferno, a pussycat to your mother, a god to your dog and the devil incarnate to your children. Don't think about it too hard and one can transition smoothly from one to the next without mess or implosion. Problems come almost as much when you think too hard as when you think too little.
Beyond this, I have a radical idea: How about calling you by your name?
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Myth #20- "If they use words like "play" and "toys", it's not true SM."
You will hear many people refer to themselves as "players", their instruments of torture as "toys". A few loud voices disparage the use of these words as a sign that SM is not as "serious" as it should be or once was. They cackle and point at this sort of language as a sure indication that the speaker is not "real".
Get over yourselves. Do you think that when someone refers to a "boy" they are literally talking about an adolescent male? When you talk about last nights "trick" do you mean a client of prostitution or a magician's act of legerdemain? Such metaphors add depth and dimension to the language. The confusion usually comes from people who don't know our subculture well enough to translate the insider jargon we use (which is understandable), but sometimes it comes from cranky members of our own community who just want to complain (which is petty). So what's wrong with "playing"?
These people are reading half the book. When did we abandon that delightful sense of irony in which "play" could leave bleeding welts? I have found a great deal of "play", "fun", "joy" and even "romance" along the head-long and very determined pursuit known as my leather journey. In addition, "play" or a "scene"-far from being unreal or inauthentic-often involves taking the darker elements of our relationships, self-image, socialization, history, out for a romp. Just as going to a movie guaranteed to make you cry can be considered entertainment; play isn't all just party hats and balloons.
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Myth #21- "Ambitious leaders are a danger to our community."
Tut, tut, tut! Some people want to immediately dismiss the ambitious-- those for whom the pursuit of leadership is as lustful and relentless as the dive towards the last single man at the bar on a Saturday night. Not so fast. I believe there is room in our leather community for all. Besides, these guys can be useful.
One could even argue that both ambition and arrogance are necessary. In addition to vanity and a lack of principles, these are essential leadership skills. Simple folk may mistake these as character deficits, but they are really assets in leather leadership. Let me explain:
It takes an unassailable ego to withstand the critics and a driving ambition to make things happen. These are shields against the battalions of critics. So many of our leaders and titleholders love to proclaim "I don't do politics!" even though one's "politics" is no more and no less than the bundle of principles and beliefs which guide one. But thank goodness they ain't got 'em! Principles only get in the way.
Unlike those who are beholden to honor and ideology, the unprincipled have no obstacles to get in the way of necessary compromise and progress. Similarly, the vain among us owe no allegiance except to the community which provides their validation and applause. Responsive, grateful, tough and energetic- what more could you want? Perhaps we are all flawed human beings and while we can't expect our leader will have perfect virtues, can we not at least capitalize on their perfect vices?
So, do not complain about leaders who are vain, arrogant, ambitious and unprincipled-use them, promote them for they best reflect their community. The ones you have to distrust are the intelligent, the honor-bound, the far-sighted and the selfless-now, they're really dangerous.
One fine day during the Battle of Spotsylvania (American Civil War), a Union commander looked out and sought to reassure his officers of his bravery and the incapacity of the enemy. General Sedgewick uttered his famous last words just before a sniper’s bullet smashed his throat, fatally wounding him:
"They couldn’t hit an elephant at this dist...."
Miscalculations can be a real problem. Particularly if a pratfall is made publicly and as a result of one’s own arrogance or pomposity. A rising pop star once complained that a critic had harshly ridiculed the mindless things she said about world affairs in an interview. Apparently she believed that, because of the limos and the cheering fans, whatever popped into her head on any subject was valid. She confronted the critic saying, "Do you just enjoy being mean?" The critic replied famously, "I’ll make you a fair deal: I’ll try to be less mean if you’ll try to be less stupid."
That’s basically the deal we all get. If we keep our heads down while the shooting is still going on, we might get the chance to survive and maybe the luxury to come up with more profound and more complete parting words. A little questioning, a little checking and a little caution can make us that much less stupid and life a little less mean. So, in an ongoing attempt to anticipate what’s coming before it smacks us in the head, I offer the following M&M’s so you can duck when someone tells you...
Myth #22- "I am serious about running for IML. How do I choose a coach?"
You, sir, have done what many men have tried to do-- have wished they could do-- for many years:
I am momentarily shocked into silence.
There are so many things wrong with this one I hardly know where to begin. For one thing, what do you need to be "coached" on? If you are talking about a physical trainer, any gym can recommend a professional. If you are unsure about leather sex, perhaps a professional dom. Likewise, find a kink-friendly mental health care professional if you are unclear as to why you are doing this.
If you doubt you are experienced enough to run in an international leather competition, then perhaps you should consider another year. If you seek someone to teach you how to walk and talk exactly like the leatherman that the judges are expected to choose, then perhaps you should choose another hobby. If you are unsure about names, dates, correct titles and trivia, maybe instead of memorizing history you should learn how to make history.
A good contestant has advisors who can tell him what competition is like, what he might expect, what he should be prepared to do. That way he is relaxed about the experience itself and can concentrate on just being the person that he is. And he has friends he can bounce ideas off of, elders to discuss the issues facing our community, people who appreciate and reinforce the person he really is. But if you are looking for a Professor Higgins to turn you from a flower girl into a duchess in time for the Embassy Ball, forget it.
And a word to all those "coaches" who have set themselves up as some sort of cottage industry: Shut up. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, playing with real people as if they were your own life-sized Billy dolls to dress up or outfit as you like. Go out and rent a few movies. I recommend "Best In Show" and maybe "Strictly Ballroom" to illustrate how ridiculous and out of touch you really look.
Myth #23- "Leather will never be the same as it was in the 70’s."
No kidding. And nostalgia just ain’t what it used to be.
Something I have never understood is this is a habit in the gay community (and magnified in the leather community) to see ourselves as existing in a vacuum, unaffected by any outside forces. Time passes and people are people-- in or out of leather. The entire world has changed in the past 30 years. Sex (even SM) is in TIME magazine. The Starr report discussed copulation with cigars on the second page of the Sunday paper. Sun and sex used to be natural and healthy, and it was motorcycles that could kill you. Welcome to a world of condoms, sunblock and helmet laws.
Recent speeches and treatises lament the dissolution of the leather tradition and how much better it once was. I, for one, am quite glad that the leather community now has a place at the table, visible and in the daylight. I do not miss frequent bashing, police raids on leather bars, entrapment, harassment or malicious prosecutions in the least. Those who do can move to communities who still fight that level of intolerance. It’s too bad if you miss the secrecy, the danger, the isolation, the misery, the fear and the desperate intimacy of being a hunted pack. I don’t.
And even if I did, there’s not a damned thing I or anyone else can do about it. What has happened to masculinity, homosexuality, the image of the military, leadership, trust, neighborhood bonds, civic pride and integrity in society at large? The leather community can stand defiant against many, many things... except time.
It is quite simple: If we can take the intimacy, the strength, the camaraderie and the thrill and adapt it to current realities, we survive. If we continue to pine for a past that is irretrievably lost, we die.
Myth #24- "Nobody likes a pushy bottom."
More correctly "Nobody likes pushy people"... particularly when they are pushing you where you don’t want to go. I find pushy tops much more annoying because they tend to confuse "abrasive" with "dominant" and assume that being a top is license to be a jerk. Too much "noblesse", too little "oblige".
But often the label of "pushy bottom" gets stuck on someone who just knows what he wants and has a clear vision of how to go about getting it. For tops who are secure in themselves, that is actually refreshing. Nothing steams a master faster than a limp "Whatever you want, sir" in response to every direct and perfectly clear question.
Ultimately, top or bottom, everyone has the right of self-determination. The skillful submissive finds a way to communicate his needs and desires to the dominant without displacing the very dominance he seeks-- just as the skillful top responds to the bottom while remaining unquestionably in charge.
Myth # 25- "Should a community leader ever use a "stage name"?"
Short answer: No. For the same reason one never wears a mask onstage. Of course, the realities of identities and "outness" are much more complex than the short answer.
Throughout leather history, there have been many reasons for those in the leather community to use a name other than the one that appeared on their birth certificate. To avoid arrest, to protect your legitimate job, to shield your family. Sometimes changes in one’s life are so fundamental that a change of labeling is called for. Sometimes a "renaming" was even a symbolic "rebirth" into a leather community or relationship.
When one steps into a community spotlight, however, many things change. I have seen new titleholders spend days, even weeks, trying to finalize a design for their business cards. A moment or two spent on choosing what name to print on those cards strikes me as prudent.
While contemplating this choice, you may also want to consider (or not):
-Openness has a price. Half-openness often has a higher price. Many feel they cannot serve in a position openly because their town is too conservative or they might be taking a risk. Perfectly understandable. If that is how you feel, by all means do not take a risk. Please remember, however, that we have achieved what progress we have only because people took risks.
-No one has the right to ask you to compromise the security of your livelihood, your family or your personal safety. Keeping your legal name confidential is one way of protecting yourself, and unfortunately, in our society leather women may have more of these sorts of security issues than leather men.
Understand, however, that taking an active role in the leather community places you, not only in a position of visibility, but in a position of trust. If you cannot occupy that place openly, you may want to consider safer place with a lower profile. Not only does being open about your identity effect your job as a leader, but you may still foolishly risk your livelihood, your family and your personal safety, identified or not. If you have concerns, the only reasonable way to deal with them is to not be on the board, not have your name listed, not to be up on stage and not run for a title.
-It is not always possible to hide in the middle of the stage. Secrets have a way of getting out at the most inopportune moments. Ben Franklin once said, "Two men can keep a secret only if one of them is dead." In gay society, it is much more helpful if both of them are dead. An effective leader eliminates or neutralizes personal secrets that have any potential to cause harm.
Using another name is rarely either accepted or successful. Like Lois Lane to Clark Kent, "Supe, them glasses ain’t fooling anyone."
- Consider perception. You have the right to be called anything you want. Perception is something entirely different, however, and those who perceive you in one way or another based on the moniker you choose are well within their rights to be wrong, narrow, unfair or merely have an opinion. One of those opinions might be that a name like "Bronc Mustang" sounds like a cheesy porn name-- even though it might have simply been some momentary cleverness on the part of misguided parents. Bill Lear (inventor of the Learjet) named his daughter "Chanda" which no doubt encouraged an early marriage.
Another opinion would be that someone who is shy about his or her legal name is hiding something.
-Consider accountability. Would you trust a doctor if he used an assumed name (not the one on his license or MD degree)? A lawyer who decided to sign each document he prepared for you with a different signature? Have your taxes done by someone who operated only under a pet name or nickname? Although these are creative approaches to the issue of identity, they can be very unsettling. If we demand a certain level of professionalism from these people, do we have the right to ask it of our community leaders?
And what is a title if not a legal relationship with a community and a contest owner? If we ask for a community’s trust in, say, handling money at a fundraiser, certainly a positive ID would not be such an unreasonable request even if you don’t particularly like your real first name of "Aloysius".
There is history here: Can you really sympathize with a community that entrusts thousands of dollars to a titleholder (who subsequently disappears) and when it comes to the police report-- no one knows his real name? It has happened.
-Or is it all in fun and doesn't really matter? You have to decide. Are you activist or actor? It is often pointed out that leather titles and leather leaders hardly save lives or change the world, so why get worked up about it? Isn't it all just about having a good time and sharing a good time? Isn’t it all just theater? Do you believe it is all just drag? Then by all means, carry your drag name with pride.
-Many people in our community are known only by their pseudonyms. These are giants of our community and their reputations precede them regardless of the "tag" attached to them. Ironically, when they judge a contest, some of them (in spite of becoming famous under another name) will not vote for a contestant who is using something other than his legal identity.
As it does with most concerns, age will eventually solve this for you as well. One day you will get to the point you can’t remember your own name, let alone anyone else’s.
Tradition is a guide, not a jailer" -W. Somerset Maugham
It should be noted that W. Somerset Maugham is also the author of "Human Bondage"-a great novel but disappointing to the crowd who also bought "The Razor’s Edge" for the slave-shaving scenes.
I love tradition. Even the tired pomp and pageantry of British royalty reaches beneath my fiercely anti-monarchist American skin and still gives me a few goosebumps when I see the flash of scarlet and hear the trill of the band. But did you know that most of the supposedly ancient ceremonies of the British monarchy are barely a century old? Much of it was installed early in the 20 th century to bolster public relations after the death of Queen Victoria.
Beware when traditions become cultified and deified. Our traditions need to be cherished, appreciated and protected like beautifully bound old novels that, no matter how many times we reread them, make us feel comfortable and reassure us of our heritage and our place in time. Ultimately never forget, however, that novels are works of fiction.
Myth #26- "If a titleholder screws up, he (or she) must be removed."
The argument is always: It’s for the integrity and credibility of the title. Oh, that’s good. Hang a few from the lamppost as an example to the others. May I suggest that the measure of a community may be more in how titles treat titleholders, rather than how titleholders treat titles:
7 Reasons Why NOT To Remove A Disappointing Titleholder:
1) Our community tends to have a very short memory (some say just twice as long as whatever you are hitting them with). However, pulling a title is one of those things that gets remembered- maybe because it is an interruption in the nice, neat listing of past titleholders. Whatever their little infraction or embarrassment is soon forgotten, but the person who had their title removed carries that scarlet letter as long as the title exists. Be very, very sure you want to drive this person out of the community, make them a bitter pariah and enemy for life.
2) It is supremely unfair to the runner up who must assume the title under a cloud. They inherit a shortened year and usually a bad attitude. If they accept, their chances of running again next year are gone. It is a rotten way to treat someone: First, they were told they weren't wanted- thank you for playing- now they are and expected to perform cheerfully. It is a lose-lose situation. (For you younger folks, read up on the two-year presidency of Gerald Ford)
3) Contrary to what others may say, I doubt if it does much for the "integrity and respect" of the title. I would suspect the response would be the opposite. It tends to makes the title organizers seem flaky, indecisive, inept, capricious and vindictive- no matter what the reason for removal. Keeping on even an idiot inspires people to say, "Hell, even I could do better than that!" and run next year. Better to work with the titleholder, counsel them, educate them- or if that fails, try to keep them out of the papers and away from live microphones.
4) Who will dare judge when a leather titleholder is "unworthy"? Who is qualified to say what is unforgivable and under whose moral code? We are an outlaw subculture, born out of bars and dungeons and other dark places. Most of what we do comes under some definition of a crime: assault, battery, sexual misconduct, false imprisonment, sodomy, etc. It is an odd platform from which to judge one of our own too harshly for some silly and indelicate behavior. Last thing we need is a Leather Taliban.
5) That titleholder was most likely elected by a process that is more or less representative. A panel of community members chose this person over a field of competitors by a majority vote. On the other hand, he (or she) is usually removed by one person (usually the owner or sponsor of the contest) who has the final say. An autocratic decision, usurping a more or less democratic one, will always be viewed dimly.
6) You might not actually be "trading up". There was a reason that the judges picked this person over the first runner up and you might simply be buying yourself that much more trouble. Even in the case where the winner is unopposed, there can be value in having someone, anyone, occupying a title- a placeholder, if you will. In sports, it’s known as a "rebuilding year".
7) Because in the larger scheme of things it just doesn’t matter enough to get that worked up about. Let's face it: Few lives are saved or lost by leather titleholders. Few wars are ended or begun, few empires are founded or wrecked and the world continues to revolve once a day. Is it worth the drama? The bad press? The commercial consequences when the titleholder represents a business? The hurt feelings? The cellphone bill?
Either way, there should be some sort of support for a community titleholder. We can’t expect to just turn them loose with no back-up, no resources and if they don’t work out, publicly execute them. A failed titleholder is a failure of a community, not just an individual. It is our failure to successfully nurture, train, protect and support one of our own.
If it is unavoidable, do the honorable thing and allow a brother (or sister) the dignity of stepping aside "for health reasons" or "family obligations". Most of the times I have seen a title pulled it has not been for any specific activity, but for inactivity. They vanished, meaning that whatever satisfaction or closure that was so important is still unavailable.
Like any other minor nobility, leather titles have always had their share of stars and statesmen, inbreeding and madness, the invisible, the incompetent, the inspiring and the insufferable, embarrassments, thieves, whores and much less interesting characters. Our community has survived them all quite nicely.
Myth #27- "A full harness is traditionally only worn by boys."
"I always believed that the difference between a Daddy harness and a boy harness was the crotch strap going from front to back on the boy harness. Am I misguided on this?"
There are many traditions that start out for very practical reasons and then got obscured by time, isolation or the terrible losses the community suffered in the early 1980's. One such "tradition" is that the combination (or "peaked") cap always indicates a top. Since most of this plumage started out as military surplus, the dress hat (depending on era and service) was standard issue for an officer- thus the idea that the "superior" wore that style hat. This in spite of the facts that many enlisted were issued combination caps (particularly in the Vietnam era) and I found most officers to be whimpering bottoms (but that’s just personal experience).
The reasoning behind the "daddy" or "boy" harness is simple: While the concept of a submissive might involve a certain element of vulnerability, there is no way on earth that a top is going to have a strap available for just ANY schmuck to grab that is attached to his balls!
Thus, the additional bondage of the full harness is logically considered submissive while the less confining apparatus of the half harness might be dominant. But since a harness is indeed bondage, one could wonder justifiably why a dominant is wearing a restraint device at all?
(OK, fine...I know it makes your pecs look better but that's not what you asked.)
Myth #28- "Leather spirituality is an essential part of leather sex."
The real question: What is this "leather spirituality?"
I have seen enough in my life- from the mountains of Sri Lanka, the rivers of Thailand to the deserts of the United States, the plains of Kenya and the cities of Europe- to convince me that there many things I do not fully understand nor can I explain. In the middle of the Pacific on a night where the stars reach all the way to the horizon or on a glacier at 14,000 feet, you can fully appreciate the words of Sir Isaac Newton: "What I know is a drop. What I do not know is an ocean."
I have gone from ministerial student to self-acknowledged skeptic, yet I still believe there is much to learn about both the material and the immaterial worlds. At this point in my journey, however, I have to operate in a real world that I can see, touch, taste and prove. Leather Spirituality is not available for that sort of evaluation. I have seen rational, reasonable, educated people who tend to get into "spirituality" and throw out their brain, joining some wild cult that is boarding the next comet or drinking tainted Kool-Aid. Some do the same when they discover leather.
Very basically, my position is that both leather sexuality and leather spirituality are very powerful and intensely personal things. Trying to share one’s personal spiritual convictions can be much too intimate and embarrassing even to someone who has been known to casually drink a cocktail while the man next to him takes a fist to the elbow. And that is perhaps as it should be.
There are some folks out there who think they are real vampires. They avoid garlic scampi, drink a little blood and sell a few books. There is another who seriously believes he can "Vulcan mind-meld" during sex (Yo, there’s a reason Star Trek is under "Science FICTION"). There is a nut on a farm in Missouri that has convinced himself (and apparently a few others) that he is the leather reincarnation of Caligula and a god. The original copy didn’t get too far with his deity career, so I guess there is room for an expansion team. Another rewrites history endlessly to prove some sort of "Universal Man Temple" of which we are just horny monks. The Tao of Leather is not much different from the Tao of Anything Else- just as variable, from theologian to theologian, each with about an equal chance of being right.
I suspect that most of this enlightenment is just the putting back together of that which was once broken apart- more restoration than revelation. Someone long ago convinced us of that our perversions isolated us and we are now overjoyed to discover that we can be spiritual and still be leather, have a family and still be leather, be intellectual and still be leather, etc. We put back the pieces that broke apart and we find we can live a whole life in a complete world and still be true to that leather beast inside. However, like Dr. Frankenstein’s creation, what gets reassembled might not look and perform anything like the original.
The only heresy is insisting that without a "spiritual element" one’s leatherosity is in question. For me, the leather experience is miraculous and powerful enough with adding a questionable metaphysical level. I don’t want to challenge or change anyone’s beliefs- just don’t expect me to share them. Acceptance is never guaranteed, which is why so much of literature is persuasive. I constantly test what I believe. I read the prevailing knowledge, particularly that which opposes my beliefs. A delusion is still a delusion even if upholstered in leather. In short, if it sounds loony-it just might be.
Remember, some folks may not share your specific "spirituality". Some folks are just not spiritual people. Some folks are very private about their spirituality. And some folks have more pressing problems of day-to-day survival, so the ways of the hereafter or the ethereal plane just have to take a lower priority.
Revenge of Myths & Mysteries of Leather (29-33)
The old Navy joke starts out on the bridge of a brand new warship. It's a foggy night and the captain sees lights coming at them in the murky darkness dead ahead. Immediately, he gets on the radio:
"Unidentified vessel, this is a US Navy cruiser on patrol in this area. You are on a collision course. Change direction immediately."
The answer came back, "That's negative, Navy vessel. Cannot alter course. Suggest you change your course."
Annoyed, the captain radios, "We have the right of way. I will not change course. This is a full captain in the United States Navy. Who is this?"
"Second Class Petty Officer, United States Coast Guard, sir."
"Well, Petty Officer, this is a 40,000-ton, 70,000 horsepower, 4 billion-dollar, fully armed guided missile cruiser with a priority mission and I am giving you a direct order to change course."
"I'm afraid I still can't do that, sir."
"And why not?!" screamed the exasperated skipper.
"Because, sir, this is a lighthouse."
When you only see one side of a situation, you can easily make a fool of yourself and endanger yourself and your ship.
Consider another side of the following issues:
Myth #29- "Why can't I find a leather jacket that fits right? "
"I've been looking at traditional-looking leather jackets and they are all too long in the sleeves. I want a 'real' motorcycle jacket look, but the sleeves always come down past my knuckles like it was made for an orangutan. Can you recommend an authentic jacket that fits?"
That would, of course, be the perfect fit if you had your arms extended up and out to the handlebars of a touring motorcycle. On a winter ride, you would be quite grateful for the extra material which closes the gap between sleeve and gloves, and "real" motorcycle jacket are cut long in the sleeves for that purpose.
The problem isn't that a "real" jacket doesn't fit you, it's that you don't fit the jacket. Either wear the extra length with pride and swagger like you just stepped off your hog, or get one of the imitation jackets styled with shorter sleeves.
Myth #30- "You have to live in a city to be a leatherman ."
Leather/SM communities are often considered to be urban phenomena. Certainly in the days before internet chatrooms and email, before international contests and before magazines with classified ad sections, what some like to call "old guard" leather grew up the urban centers of New York, San Francisco, Los Angeles and Chicago. These had established gay communities, resources and lots of dark nooks and crannies to hide in.
Things are quite different today. Leather pops up in almost every place imaginable and is disappearing from where it was always expected. As bars and sexclubs decline as centers of gay life, gyms are the new, strip-mall, squeaky-clean, sanitized and packaged environments for seeing and being seen. The plague dispersed many gay ghettos as people died or went to live quietly and straightly in the suburbs.
A general move towards acceptance has made huddling together for physical, social or political protection less imperative. Many have abandoned any sense of "community" altogether, fancying themselves as lone wolves, living and hunting in isolation and connected to others only by interactive websites. They contend that they have no need for commonality with others. But the effects of this diaspora and whether a virtual community is actually a community at all is part of the raging debate that occupies us as we plan our future.
Myth #31- "What SM/Leather reading do you recommend?"
Don't ask a writer that. He will answer, "You should read my book or articles. All the others are trash." Not in so many words, of course, but it usually translates about the same.
This misses the point, however, that even the "trash" has value. Leather can never be just one or two people's opinion about "how it should be," written down and existing in a vacuum. It must be a dialog, a conversation-- a dynamic, changing, living thing. When I talk to others, gather at events, read other authors, I change. Each time I practice my "leatherocity," I change it just slightly. When you practice it, you change it as well. We all add our little bit to the collective of what "leather" is.
Because this question is often asked as one prepares to be a contestant, think about what happens at a leather contest: You will be talking with the judges, you will be interacting with the attendees, you will be giving a speech and/or doing a theatrical fantasy. This is your opportunity to communicate with your community. Whatever the result of the contest, your participation, your message, will have changed people and you will add your part to what "leather" is. It is an awesome opportunity, completely aside from going home with any title (or any titleholder).
Be prepared for that conversation. Read what will make that conversation richer and more meaningful. Make sure what you add is wonderful and uniquely you.
Myth #32- "The last contest I saw was obviously fixed."
Usually this is said because one or more judges had some association with the winning contestant and supposedly, that has to be the reason he won. I'm not saying that it doesn't happen, but there are more reasons why it probably is not true than reasons that it possibly is true:
1.
They can't ALL be fixed. Somebody says something like this EVERY time about EVERY contest. It is just such a predictable and standard response that reasonable people automatically receive with skepticism.
They can't ALL be fixed. Somebody says something like this EVERY time about EVERY contest. It is just such a predictable and standard response that reasonable people automatically receive with skepticism. 2.It is not easy to fix a contest. There are several deliberate and natural safeguards. It is a lot of effort, very risky and few people involved in contests are bright enough to pull it off successfully. If they were that bright, they would be manipulating stock or something with a higher profit margin than the outcome of "Mr. Topanga Canyon Leather."
It is not easy to fix a contest. There are several deliberate and natural safeguards. It is a lot of effort, very risky and few people involved in contests are bright enough to pull it off successfully. If they were that bright, they would be manipulating stock or something with a higher profit margin than the outcome of "Mr. Topanga Canyon Leather."3.Motive, method and opportunity. Every crime needs these three things. Why- since the success (and profitability) of these contests rely on at least the expectation of integrity? How- considering there would be so many people involved it would be impossible to get that many people in this community to agree about something like this, let alone keep their mouths shut? And when- since the process is fairly open to inspection, scrutiny and any producer in his right mind knows these questions are inevitable at the end of every contest?
Motive, method and opportunity. Every crime needs these three things. Why- since the success (and profitability) of these contests rely on at least the expectation of integrity? How- considering there would be so many people involved it would be impossible to get that many people in this community to agree about something like this, let alone keep their mouths shut? And when- since the process is fairly open to inspection, scrutiny and any producer in his right mind knows these questions are inevitable at the end of every contest?4.Accidental relationships. Most of these accusations are the result of someone knowing someone else. Ah-HA! Conspiracy!
Accidental relationships. Most of these accusations are the result of someone knowing someone else. Ah-HA! Conspiracy! Humbug. This is a very small community. Of course there is the high likelihood that some of the judges and some of the contestants will have some sort of association. We all know each other to a certain extent. And if they didn't, people would complain they are newbies or "not from the community" because nobody knows them. Known (and tainted) or completely unknown (and tainted)....you can't have it both ways.
If you can give me motive, method and opportunity-I'll listen. Otherwise, your conspiracy theory goes on the heap with alien abductions and government plots. Sometimes results are just luck, random chance, human nature, gravity or stupidity. Leather contests are generally a combination of all.
Myth #33- "My parents just found out I am into SM. What'll I do?"
My dear Mother once decided to "confront" me about this whole leather thing after reading something I had written. I thought for a moment and asked her, "Mom, do you love me?" And she said, "Of course." Then I asked, "Who do you think first spanked me? And how did I ever get this bizarre idea of connecting pain and love?"
The subject never came up again.
Myths & Mysteries of Leather Goes To Washington (34-44)
I was recently honored by the Centaurs of Washington, DC when they asked me to be a judge at the Mid Atlantic Leather (MAL) contest. Our Nation's Capital being a prime breeding ground of myths and mysteries (most immortalized in marble, bronze or the Congressional Record) it seemed only appropriate to add these notes to the previous seven installments in the M&M series:
Myth #34- "Washington DC in the middle of January?"
Washington DC has been many things. First a tidal marsh, then a Capital, then a British barbecue, then a Capital again and now a northern suburb of Houston. However, in January, during MAL, at 26 degrees, it's the world's most decorative meat locker…in more ways than one.
I was born and raised on the West Coast. During some unfortunate years of exile in the American Siberia (known to the natives as "Wisconsin"), I became acquainted with this romantic notion known as "Change of Season"-a highly overrated concept, in my opinion. My weekend in Washington forced me to revive my cold-weather survival skills: Don't leave your hotel, keep anti-freeze levels high and if necessary, make fire by rubbing two boy scouts together.
Myth #35- "I heard you were a virgin."
Years ago, when someone had not been to a particular club party or motorcycle run before, we used to call them a "virgin." An odd term, because one could meet some very experienced, very libertine and very talented "virgins."
So, yes, although I have been going to IML for 18 years, I had never had the opportunity to go to MAL before this. Since it's been a few years since I've been either a judge or a virgin, this was a special occasion indeed.
Myth #36- "MAL is better than IML."
I don't know about "better" but there are some distinctions. MAL tends to be smaller; but then again, the facilities are also smaller-which results in similar waits in the hotel bars and restaurants, and strain on the hotel elevators. This seems somehow appropriate, however, because each weekend is an exercise in excess and straining limits.
The most amazing thing about MAL is the Centaurs. They pull off a major event each year with just a club full of guys. They do it with grace, aplomb and very little outward sign of stress. Although it is the world's second largest leather gathering/contest, the weekend had all the earmarks of a classic club run with cocktail party, installation of officers and parade of colors, big show at the end. That was comfortable and familiar, for ultimately these gatherings are measured by people and contacts, not by schedules or facilities. I will always remember passing some unhurried moments in front of the fireplace of the hotel lounge. What more does a man need on a winter evening than a crackling fire, a comfortable chair, exciting conversation, a young cigar, old bourbon and playing catch with a 35-year-old puppy?
The hotel lobby scene is definitely common to both events. The packed, swirling mass of lust and cowhide is incubator to more intrigues, titles, seductions, plots and counterplots than the late Byzantine court. No matter how conservative, the hotel bar becomes the most happening leather bar in town for the duration of the weekend.
Both events seem to operate on many levels: Part circuit party, part family reunion, part orgy, and part trade show. Oh, and in there somewhere is a contest where someone wins something and is expected to do or be something. Or so they tell me.
Myth #37- "What is it like to be a judge?"
By unhappy accident, I found myself watching "American Idol" one evening. In amongst the awful singing and the silly camera confessionals (which have become the stuff of "reality TV") the show frighteningly reminded me of the interview portion of a leather contest.
For you folks who have not seen "Idol," young musical hopefuls audition a cappella before three judges from the recording industry. Whatever spark the show has comes from Australian talent scout Simon Cowell who often pointedly suggests that the young hopefuls seek training in urban planning, industrial graphics, auto mechanics, engineering…anything but music.
Unfortunately, a leather contest judge cannot be nearly that kind or that direct. Inevitably one encounters contestants who just do not have the people skills, confidence, carriage or preparation for a competition. Some do not even realize that they are in a competition, meaning that someone will win and the rest will not. Correcting this perception deficit does not do anyone any good, so you smile and try to be encouraging while hoping that at least one of these guys knows how to sing- figuratively speaking.
Myth #38- "Did you go sight-seeing?"
Because of increased security, many buildings required weeks of advance work to obtain entrance clearances. The weekend was a bit cold for too much running around but I did manage to sneak out to the Smithsonian and a jog down the Mall. The Air & Space Museum is a cathedral for the worship of Icarus, a modern age reliquary where we can pray among the remains of technological icons. There, hanging above you is THE Spirit of St. Louis. That is THE Wright Flyer. When the guard is not looking, you can actually touch a real V-2 rocket.
Highly recommended is the exhibit of presidential fetishes at the American History Museum: Lincoln's boots, Washington's uniform, Truman's aloha shirt and Teddy Roosevelt's chaps.
I admit that I expected a lot from the United States Holocaust Museum and specifically from the special exhibition called "Nazi Persecution of Homosexuals 1933-1945" (there until March 16, 2003). The museum itself did not disappoint. It was a relentless chronological trip through the rise of Nazi power and the step-by-step progression of madness. The story is so powerful that quiet, peaceful rest areas are provided at frequent intervals along the way to reflect and collect one's thought before continuing.
The disappointment was the gay exhibition-six or seven pylons stuck in a difficult-to-find basement hallway under some stairs. Estimates range between 50,000 to 100,000 homosexuals were rounded up by the Third Reich; this exhibition favored the lower estimate. Most of the images were familiar, depicting gay life in Germany between the World Wars, but new and most memorable were the compelling drawings by Richard Grune (1903-1983) who survived the camps.
I was pleased that one piece of oft-neglected history was mentioned in the exhibition: When the U.S. Army liberated the camps in 1945, most prisoners were set free…except the homosexuals. Army officials considered those Nazi convictions to be perfectly fair, so the men were left to finish their sentences.
He was a wise man who invented God. - Plato
Nothing is ever quite as it seems. Even the easy questions can come with unexpected answers. Where are Panama hats made? What is catgut made from? When does Russia celebrate the October Revolution? What is a camel hair brush made from? Where do Chinese gooseberries come from? What color is a purple finch? What sort of bean plant produces coffee beans?
Panama hats are actually made in Ecuador. Catgut comes from sheep. Russians celebrate the October Revolution in November (due to a difference between the Gregorian and Julian calendars). A camel's hair brush is made of squirrel hair (if you are lucky, otherwise it's rat). Chinese gooseberries are actually from New Zealand where they are called kiwi fruit. A purple finch (carpodacus purpureusis, state bird of New Hampshire) is actually crimson. A coffee bean is not a "bean" at all, but the pit of an alpine fruit.
Amaze your friends: What was King George VI's first name? (Not George...it was Albert or "Bertie" to his pals) How long did the Hundred Years War last? (Not a century…it was 116 or 115 years, depending on which history you accept). Who was the first chief executive of the United States? (Trick question…John Hanson was president of the Continental Congress long before Washington was inaugurated as President in 1789).
So, to explore some of the surprising answers to seemingly simple cosmic leather/SM questions, let me present the tenth installment of my "Myths & Mysteries of Leather" series:
Myth #44- "There is no need to remove a leather cap indoors."
It is a pity that more hosts do not follow the example of Prince Vlad (also known as "the Impaler") who, when his guests decided they were exempt from removing their hats, sent them home with the offending headgear permanently nailed to their skulls.
Because hats for men are no longer part of the business uniform, few modern men are properly socialized about them. Once upon a time, only a lowlife or a criminal would wear their fedora at table, but today you can usually see some twit wearing the ubiquitous baseball cap even at most respectable of restaurants. The waiter or host may be afraid to mention it, but any fear is ungrounded because generally someone so crass is not likely to be adept at other social skills (such as tipping). Particularly when dining socially, you display your boorishness and disrespect for everyone around you when you eat with a hat on (by the way, same goes for leaving your cellphone turned "on"). Social drinking, too. You cannot maintain the polite illusion that you enjoy the company you are keeping when you have your hat on, your eyes search for someone more interesting and you are ready to duck out at any second. Wearing a hat is appropriate to drinking alone, in a parking lot, out of a paper bag, in the rain.
Abandon the lame defense that you are just "expressing yourself." It has nothing to do with individuality, a statement or fashion. Removing one's hat (for both men and women) is an ancient sign of respect-and this is especially true in leather. Some people have intricate rules about how, exactly, one should doff a hat (how many fingers to use, where to place them, etc.) but by no means should that intimidate you into just leaving the silly thing on your head. Remove your hat as you come inside. Remove it when showing respect to flags, people or anthems. Remove it when sharing a meal, a drink or conversation. If you are on stage, just remove it (otherwise, no one can see your face).
It's very simple: Leather or not, a gentleman removes his hat. A lout does not.
Myth #45- "Is there anything wrong with calling myself a 'goddess'?"
Yes. I'm an atheist.
Myth #46- "What is the 'Leather Creed'?"
I've just been informed that there are quite a few 'leathermen' who are claiming that the Leather Creed is 'Trust, Honor, and Respect.' As I recall, the Leather Creed was 'Safe, Sane, and Consensual.' Could you enlighten me?
This one's easy: There is no "leather creed."
"Safe Sane and Consensual" is good advice, somewhat like "Vitamins, Exercise and Fiber." As far as a leather creed goes, if you want to go way back there were beauts like "Born to Die" and "Born to Raise Hell" or "Live Fast, Ride Hard, Die Young". That would be very, very old guard.
SSC is a mantra from the first, frightened days of the plague (NYC, penned by David Stein and appearing in public first on a parade banner) mostly to counter early accusations that the leather/SM community was a primary distribution network for HIV. Not only do I know quite a few old hide-bound edge players that scoff at it, but it has lately been eclipsed in the philosophical circles of the leatherati by "RACK " (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) which rests more on risk assessment, rather than indefinable terms like "sane." (Think about it: What I say is "perfectly sane" most folks think is "crazy").
A creed is defined as a complete statement of faith or belief or allegiance, not just a motto or a slogan. Getting leatherfolk to agree on one faith, belief or allegiance would seem as uncharacteristic for a rebel clan as it would be impossible. I have no idea where "Trust, Honor and Respect" came from. I saw it popping up beginning a few years ago but it is quite a jump from a mere list of vocabulary words to a "creed."
They may be lovely words, but what do they really mean beyond fitting on a pretty pin, t-shirt or a bumper sticker? "Trust, Honor and Respect" means about as much to me as "Courage, Compassion and Commerce," (the motto of Amsterdam) "Truth, Beauty and Love" (the motto of Moulin Rouge) or "In Leather We Are Family" (which, considering my family, does less than nothing for me). Whom should I trust? How shall I live honorably? Who deserves my respect?
Insecure leathermen often wrap themselves in the regalia of leather creeds, scripture, flags and anthems. It gives them comfort, but the truth is that there are very few universals in our community and many unknowns. Actual leather traditions as we know them are much too young and much too anarchic for that. In practical terms, much of this history is less than 40 years old - not nearly enough time to calcify and fossilize the way that some folks would like to see it. We are still writing our history, but some people keep wanting to already put a period at the end.
Myth #47- "Once something is online, the trademark is public domain."
Wrong. On several counts.
First of all, most likely the material you are talking about is not a registered "trade" or service mark (like a logo or identifying graphic). If the material you are talking about is an article, photo, illustration or graphic, most likely you are asking about a "copyright" which is an entirely different matter.
According to the latest US copyright law, a copyright is created at the moment the material is created. You don't need to publish it, register it or notarize it. It is not required to be marked with a "©"or "copyright." Good news. It is at least partially up to you, however, to protect and enforce your copyright. Bad news.
Many times I see my articles reproduced on someone's website, my graphics, photos or illustrations included on someone's event poster. By law, I must complain about this each time that I am aware of it (or risk losing my rights to my own material permanently). The excuses I get back usually range from: "I didn't know who created (wrote, drew, photographed) it." to "Well, it's not like I made money off it or something." or "It was online so I thought it was public domain." None of these give you the right to steal art from the artist. When you borrow that Tom of Finland drawing for your bar night, when you use that photograph that was on hotboys.com or you reprint this explanation of copyright infringement in your club newsletter, you are stealing. You must ask.
Most artists and writers in this community are very generous with their art when asked. All that is usually required is a copyright line and a thank you. I am flattered to see my work on your website, but I will ask that you have the common decency to ask permission and properly attribute it. If you get a notice of copyright violation that seems unfriendly right off the bat, there are good reasons: They take time, energy and are less than pleasant to send out. I send one friendly email, then one not so friendly- if there is still no answer, after a written request (and maybe a phone call and fax) the internet service provider will usually remove the page from their end (or in some cases the entire site). It's not personal; it's business and it's my livelihood.
The best way to be sure you are not violating someone else's rights is to use original materials. Your own original drawings, original photos, original ideas. The second best way is to ask permission.
The idea of "Old Guard Leather" has achieved a place in our leather culture almost at the level of dogma. It is possibly one of the most poorly-defined and undeserving term we have to describe ourselves, yet in some conversations it would seem not only indispensable, but unquestionable.
The term "old guard," like "love" or "freedom" or "patriot," has come to mean so many different things to so many different people that it no longer means much of anything to anyone. But that doesn't to stop us from still using it as if it does have meaning.
So-in our continuing series exploring the Myths & Mysteries of Leather- what can we actually say about the Old Guard?
Myth # 52- "Where did we get the term 'Old Guard?' "
Since it is by no means exclusive to the leather community, it is best to do a short background check on the term itself. How old and who were they guarding?
Although there are probably uses that predate it, some of the earliest historical references to the term "Old Guard" go back to the elite of the elite in Napoleon's famous Imperial Guard. They were the best and most experienced of the Grand Armee, crack troops who protected the Emperor himself. At Waterloo, it was a sure sign of the end when the Old Guard were committed to battle in a last desperate gamble. As the physical guardians of the Emperor, they were the defenders of imperial glory-and sending them to be slaughtered like common soldiers on the Belgian plain was the symbolic sunset of imperial dreams. Thus, the term carries with it not only the sense of authenticity and glory, but also a hint of tragedy and mortality wherever it was used.
There are Old Guard units of the U.S. Army. There are old guard anarchists, old guard revolutionaries, old guard programmers and old guard Republicans. Depending on who is speaking and when, it can be a compliment or a pejorative, conservative or radical,
Thus, the term "old guard" is used in many different venues to indicate forbearers or founders. Among leatherfolk, it is also a search for historical context. People use it when they are trying to refer generally to that which is historical, authentic or original in our subculture. The problem is, when it comes to exactly where and when our sense of community began, our history is rarely original, and authenticity remains a matter of debate.
Myth # 53- "Leather history begins with the 'Old Guard.'"
According to the late Dr. Tony DeBlase's Leather History Timeline, one could argue the beginnings of S&M or leather culture well into ancient history. His first entry was dated 2355 (BCE). Sadistic or masochistic behavior has been recorded for nearly as long as history has been recorded and it should be noted that even those terms are relatively recent (in historical context), with the arrival of namesakes Marquis de Sade and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch.
For purposes of this essay, however, we will limit our study to the signs of community which we have come to associate with the modern leather community emerging in the last half of the 20th Century. But even if we limit ourselves to the modern post-WWII North American gay experience, the history is still hazy. Just about as hazy as who or what-exactly-constituted the "old guard" of leather.
Myth #54- "The 'Old Guard' were returning WWII veterans."
The story goes that after the Second World War, gay men discharged from the Armed Forces stayed in the debarkation port cities of New York, Chicago, San Francisco and Los Angeles. They brought with them the camaraderie of the military experience, the concepts of discipline and service, even surplus equipment like the motorcycles and the leather jackets and caps. They lived and loved in secret clubs and dungeons until the swinging liberated days of the sexual revolution found them. Many folks say, to truly be "old guard" you would have had to be a part of that original generation.
Wrong war. By the time the swinging liberation of the sexual revolution found veterans of World War II, they were middle-aged or approaching retirement. Returning veterans were indeed influential in the beginnings of the American gay leather culture, but they were more likely to be returning from Korea or Vietnam.
I have yet to find even one identifiable individual that correctly fulfills that legend: Gay, served in WWII, wore or participated in the embryonic elements that we consider today to be "leather" immediately after they returned and trained others to do so. So far, we have yet to find even one leather "patient zero" with all the right symptoms.
The men eligible for military service between 1941 and 1945 were born roughly between 1916 and 1926, putting them close to their 40's when the first leather and SM clubs were formed and the first leather bars opened. Assuming that they have survived all the subsequent wars, plagues, pogroms and purges, any remaining claimants to such "Old Guardity" would be octogenarians today. While there remain a handful of rare, venerable, surviving leathermen from the wartime generation, they cannot primarily account for the beginning of shy beginnings of leather in the mid-late 1950's and the explosion that occurred 10 or 15 years later. Many, in fact, came to leather later in life.
There were several recognizable milestones in the development of modern leather iconography. The image of the leather-clad biker came from the biker groups that formed after 1945- very, very straight biker groups, the most famous being California's Hell's Angels in 1946. The wildest of these were called the "One Percenters" and it took nearly eight more years for this rebel image to filter into mainstream popular culture with the 1954 movie "The Wild Ones" with Marlon Brando. As the Korean War ended with a cease-fire in 1953, the first gay motorcycle club (The Satyrs out of LA) began in 1954.
There may have been closeted gay or kinky members of those early biker clubs, but adapting and recombining our own image took a little longer. It was several more years before the erotic art of men like Tom of Finland, Etienne and Steve Masters refined the leather image. Finally, by 1958 we see more gay men's leather/motorcycle clubs and the first leather bars began to appear in 1960. Finally, in 1964 came the famous LIFE magazine feature on "Homosexuality In America" with its shocking depiction of San Francisco's Tool Box bar-nearly 20 years after the end of the Second World War.
The wartime generation no doubt began many trends, founded gay enclaves and started the shy beginnings, but in terms of sheer numbers it was their sons- the post-war baby boomers, who came of age and were shaped more by Korea and Vietnam- that really began the leather culture of sexuality we look back to. The icons and the images are theirs. The huge bulge in the population sired by returning WWII vets had a profound impact on every fiber of American society and loomed larger that anything that had gone before. We needed a sexual revolution to really explore those previously taboo journeys and form communities of like-minded people.
Myth #55- "The 'Old Guard' was (wasn't) into SM."
Some say that bondage, kink, fetishes and SM were an integral part of those hardy community pioneers. And some say they were not, that early leather was an honorable chivalric family code later corrupted by nasty masters, slaves, whip welts, dungeons and fetters (also known as "Old Guard: The Disney Version").
What we do know from interviews, images and "literature" is that early gay leather culture was highly acquisitive. They appropriated from the bikers, from military tradition, from fraternal organizations, from movies, from service etiquette, from history, even from prison culture. If it looked like fun, we'd steal from just about anyone.
Myth #56- "The 'Old Guard' is defined by the Age of AIDS."
Some say that the dividing line was the beginning of the AIDS epidemic in the early 1980's. If you can remember playing before the transfer of bodily fluids was verboten, before the advent of "Safe, Sane and Consensual," you're a member. But that is simply one of many rather arbitrary borders.
Some define "old guard" by those original postwar leathermen. Some say that if you were trained by one of those original "alpha" leathermen (or by someone they trained), then you are also "old guard" and they take great pains to trace their educational lineage to one of the cowhide Mayflower. Some say that membership lies in certain protocols or dress codes and you can tell by the way someone acts or dresses. Some say that if you call yourself "old guard," you obviously aren't.
With all these conflicting opinions, at best, "Old Guard" therefore can't mean anything more significant than "previous" or "older." Just older- not "wiser" or "more genuine." Even if we were to accept that there was something seminal about them, there was nothing magical about those alpha leathermen other than they were first. Indeed, we know more about technique and safety today than they did because today there are more resources, more available knowledge, more options and openness. If they seemed more serious and more focused leathermen, it may have been because those were more serious and focused times.
One answer may lie more in statistics than sadism. Looking at U.S. population as a whole, the second most significant statistical "bulge" in the population comes when the Boomers started having children-the so-called "X-generation." Cycles in the leather community seem to echo this: As a large bulk of the nation comes of age, leather once again searches for its identity. Both the fascination with and the rejection of previous history are symptoms of this cycle.
Myth #57- "The 'Old Guard' was the same everywhere."
In the early days, there was no internet. No IML. No Drummer magazine, no International Leatherman. Not even those kinky back pages of the Advocate classified section.
People traveled less. Skills, traditions, cultures grew up in isolation. Different evolutions, different results. It wasn't until more recently that we started comparing notes about what "leather" means or how people express that. Working out the differences has been a challenge for some.
Myth #58- "This is 'Old Guard'"
If we have learned anything by now, it would be that anytime you definitively, rigidly say, "This is Old Guard" you are just asking for trouble. Wherever you draw that dividing line-age, experience, membership, pedigree, credentials-someone is going to object. And they just might have a point.
There is a famous list of what is "old guard" and what is not. Much of it is simply common sense and common courtesy-and much is a reflection of time and geography.
Stuff like not mixing brass and chrome or brown and black leather. Any drag queen can tell you not to mix pearls and diamonds and that your shoes should always match your belt. Hanky codes and keys on right or left were regionally specific until national gatherings such and nationally distributed magazines began to homogenize and standardize the culture.
Some of it is just archaic, like the treatment of women, minorities or men considered "less than masculine." Women were not allowed in most early clubs, organizations and spaces…so those claiming to be female "old guard" would be something of a non-sequitor. Those rules were a reflection of society at the time and must be reevaluated regularly.
The bottom line is: If you want to have a dress code at your bar, if you want to exclude someone from your club or event, if you want to select titleholders based on this or that…you do it. Do it because it feels right to you, do it because it works, do it because it's always been done that way, do it because it amuses you. But don't do it and blame an entire generation or era, calling it "Old Guard" just to take the responsibility off yourself. If there was an "Old Guard" they'd surely slap you for nonsense like that.
Myth #59- "Is the 'Old Guard' dead?"
Clearly not. While the reality, the true nature and the true history of the Old Guard are shaky, it unfortunately lives on as very solid myth. Or fortunately.
As we have discussed here before, myths are useful up to a point. Legends can be illustrative and inspirational. All but the most rabid atheist admits that there is room in the world for mysticism, for spirituality and for faith. For the idea of gods, heroes, miracles and titans.
But anytime we base our actions on other than proven facts and rational thought, we are in danger of our results being just as wrong. When articles of faith are accepted without challenge or question, it can easily result in misunderstandings, misdirection and small desert wars. When you use a mythical Old Guard to exclude and reprove others, then you cross a line. Your insistence on "traditional leather" is no less ridiculous and untenable than other people who claim to protect "traditional marriage."
"God is a comedian playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh." -Voltaire
There are many reasons we don't laugh: The joke wasn't funny. We didn't get it. It didn't translate well. We are too polite. It's not appropriate. We are too afraid.
Once upon a time, even "serious" leather was funny. We were outrageous. We laughed in the face of a world that wanted to beat the crap out of us. We took the most sacred ceremonies and taboos of church, military, fraternities (and all those institutions that hated us) and we reflected them back with irreverence. We spoofed ourselves. We specialized in inappropriate, offensive and creative mischief. That was part of how we were able to tell "us" from "them"…. we got it, they didn't.
It got us through some serious, fearful times. But did we come through too serious and too fearful?
Somewhere along the way, we lost sight of the basic absurdity. We became the things we used to parody-only now some call them "protocol" and "tradition." Originally, we set up leather contests and titles as a twisted sort of "Miss America" pageant though a funhouse mirror-but now some actually think titleholders are "leaders" and "mentors." We used to make fun of bourgeoisie respectability-before we earned a crumb or two of respect. We are now so careful and so afraid of offending someone-even when they should be offended by their own distorted reflection.
So, I present these Myths & Mysteries for your edification, for social commentary, to inspire world peace and understanding-but mostly, in the hope you will laugh:
Myth #60- "What is a 'boy bag?'"
After watching a few leather boys walking obediently behind their daddies schlepping duffels or gym bags, I asked what they were carrying. I was told it was their "boy bag."
It seems that the "boy bag" contains whatever the boy or his dominant should require for the day. The boy is thus prepared for every contingency and for his master's every whim-roughly the same concept as the purse on a soccer mom.
This has become a popular item with boys. Now, at first I thought it was simply some sly sadists version of a safari porter until the boy I was talking to rolled his eyes and said, "Well, it sure beats running back to the hotel room every time HE forgets something." Further investigation shows that the bag appeared about the time it was discovered that each time the boy was sent back to the room, upon his return he found dad chatting up yet another strange boy.
Always a fan of field research, I conducted a friendly search at a recent leather event and my survey of "boy bags" turned up the following items: Shoe polish and brushes, mending kit, cellphone, power bars, cigars/cigarettes and lighters, prescriptions, moustache wax, rope, lube, condoms, handcuffs (with many, many extra keys), maps and schedules, extra batteries, extra film, duct tape, instant glue, a joint, pen and paper, sunglasses, reading glasses, breath mints, several hotel towels, extra trick cards, Swiss Army knife, hip flask, spare pin backs and a Gideon Bible.
You see? A relationship with baggage does not always have to be a problem.
Myth #61- "The button-fly signal code."
I got a note some time ago which said, "I have heard about signals, similar to hanky codes, based on the buttons of one's Levi's 501's or other button-fly pants. Can you tell me anything about this?"
It seems people have been coming up with clever ways to telegraph their desires ever since…well, the telegraph. But some of these methods are so unreliable, outdated and arcane that Morse code would seem a technological advancement.
As I understand it, among some an undone upper button meant "top" and a lower button meant "bottom." but others tell me that one means "available" and the other, "not available" (with some unfortunate disagreement as to which is which).
I can understand the confusion…but "available?" C'mon, what else would leaving your trousers partially open mean? The more buttons undone, I suggest, the more available. And leaving the top undone means that you had just eaten a big dinner.
May I also suggest that in a dark bar or alley, if you are close enough to a fly to tell for sure which buttons are undone and count them-you are probably half-way home. No need for covert signals at that point.
Always an enterprising community, I once saw little rubber rings that covered one's fly buttons with the appropriate fetish signal colors (or combination)-sold for $3 a piece. As communication goes, a reasonable long-distance calling plan would be cheaper and clearer.
More importantly (particularly for all you rodeo/Lee's fans out there), how did button-fly 501's get to be such a ubiquitous gay icon back in the early days? (Hint: Remember how tight jeans were once worn? Ever catch your foreskin in a zipper?)
Practicality is the mother of (some) tradition.
Myth #62- "Perfume and cologne are taboo in your local Leather Bar."
Occasionally, we must examine some of our symbolism and what it means. This is where history gets just a little useful. For example: Why is the leather community so down on applied scents (such as deodorants, perfume or cologne)?
In the early days of the gay leatherman's community, applied scents were associated with the foppish, pansy stereotype of gay men that leather was at least partially a reaction against. There is a famous scene in the movie "The Maltese Falcon" where Humphrey Bogart's secretary was introducing the Peter Lorre character. Of course they could not come right out and say, "This guy's a fag!" (after all, it was 1941) so you see them both sniff the man's business card and say knowingly, "Gardenia." A scented man was not masculine.
This carried over to the dress codes of early leather bars that attempted to define butchness. It was part of military, prison, biker and fraternity traditions and also reinforced by the "all natural" trends of the 1960-70's. Wearing heavy cologne would get you kicked out (or occasionally hosed off, for you piss fanciers). As for deodorant or antiperspirant, it was considered quite rude to someone who might lick your pits if they came up with a puckering mouthful of aluminum clorhydrate.
Fast forward to today: Is this still a valid tradition for our community? Should a male-based tradition (since women were also not allowed in those early bars, it didn't come up) be applied to women? Also consider that smoking and scent-free spaces have been mandated in reaction to health risks and allergies. Even though this is a verifiable and true part of "leather," how reasonable is it to apply relics from thirty years ago to our community today?
Maybe it is best to accept that gardenias (or CK Musk, Drakkar, even Old Spice or Aqua Velva) simply do not mix well with the other juices at one's local sleazy leather watering hole. At best, scent should be a subtle, vague hint- but we don't do subtlety well. Even if you are into breath control, best not to be held the gagging prisoner of some yokel who bathed in more obnoxious swill than a hormone-driven high schooler on his first unchaperoned date. And I don't know why so few people seem to be able to apply patchouli oil without smelling like an entire Haight-Ashbury head shop.
Best to just leave it alone and try going naked (sans scent) under your leather.
Myth #63- "If something is inconsistent, it's wrong."
This isn't exactly a mystery of leather, but more like one of those mysteries of life-particularly now that "flip-flopping" has entered political discourse as a tortured verb. Isn't truth constant? How can what is true today be obsolete tomorrow?
Leather (and life) is often seen as an attempt to fossilize rules, roles and traditions into a changeless and constant monolith. But as we have seen before, leather has changed with location, imagination, application and with each generation. But how can we believe in something that is so inconsistent so liable to change?
It is only the mechanized, industrialized world whose priority is the rigid uniformity of manufactured goods coming off an assembly line, one exactly like the next. Such consistency does not occur in nature, which presents us with endless variation and delightful irregularity. If a one-dimensional, uninterrupted, simple-minded consistency that you crave, register Republican, live in neat suburbs and echo a belief system based on t-shirt and bumper-sticker slogans. Avoid education because as you learn you will find it necessary to modify or discard former beliefs. Exploring new worlds will inevitably change your perception of your old world, so stay at home.
There are constants in our lives which carry over from situation to situation, year to year, age to age. These are our "values" and our "principles," but contrary to popular belief, their strength and integrity do not come because they are shut away, protected, preserved and never questioned. Our true values endure because they are constantly being challenged, reexamined, reevaluated and shaken-and yet they still emerge from each test as true and as ennobling as ever.
Myth #64- "Do you recommend new dungeon products or equipment?"
I am often sent new videos, websites, lube, sex toys, bondage equipment to try and comment back on. I try to be a sport and give at least a little feedback so the manufacturers aren't tempted to go test this stuff on harmless animals.
But, no, even a leather guinea pig has some form of ethics. I don't often recommend products for several reasons: Because my dungeon is hardly the Underwriters Laboratory therefore I can't test as thoroughly as needed. So much depends purely on preferences and tastes and my tastes have never been what anyone would call "mainstream." Many of these products are in the early testing stages and, for various reasons, will never make it to market. And finally, either the offer for my endorsement was not generous enough or the check bounced.
Sometimes the samples I am sent are just a really bad match. There was the selection of "blow-job gels" that tasted like fruity cocktails like daiquiris, tropical punch and sweet mango mixers. A new, arty design of collar that nearly required a welder to put on and a chiropractor once it was removed. Or the limp male bondage DVD that was voiced over with the wrong sound track: A woman saying she "could take on the whole team" and "it'll be hours before daddy's home."
Another example (and why brand names are important): A company called Empowered Products of California gave me a sample of their new lubrication formula specifically for masturbation (and how much more empowered can one be?). I'm not sure if they profiled my other old-fashioned pleasures-- fine cognac, rich egg custards, cigars, old bondage videos and a whiff of poppers-- but I'm guessing that a lube called "STROKE" is not really aimed at my age group or cholesterol level.
Sex: The position is ridiculous, the pleasure momentary and the expense damnable." - Lord Philip Dormer Stanhope, Fourth Earl of Chesterton (1694-1773)
Lord Chesterton asks us to view sex as a remote, dispassionate observer. From a distance, stripped of the mystery and myth, without any of your personal involvement, it's all a pretty unromantic and downright silly proposition. The outrageous contortions and resulting muscle cramps; our nonsensical fantasies and elaborate equipment; the inadvisable investment of spending a bunch on such a relative few seconds of bliss.
Chesterton couldn't have been more accurate about leather sex. From the outside, our intensity and passion, the toys and scenes in which we get ourselves wrapped up must look comical. The costumes are bizarre. The ritual and hierarchy make no logical sense. It's all quite confusing… at least outsiders often see us that way. Our critics often see us that way and every once in a while, it might be useful for us to see-however briefly- what they see.
Frankly, it isn't always pretty.
The purpose of any dissection-like this Myths & Mysteries column-is to cut away bits and pieces to reveal truth. In this case, we temporary remove you. Your bias, your investment, your desires, your personal baggage, your personal involvement. We ask you to examine some of these questions at distance and in perspective. Now admittedly, this doesn't do much for the sex… but you would be surprised what it does for objectivity.
Myth #65- "Why is right 'submissive' and left 'dominant'?"
Everyone knows that keys, hankies, etc. worn on the right mean bottom or passive. On the left, top or active. But why?
Many different explanations are offered, including that- because most people are right handed (not sure what that has to do with it) - therefore the right is "service oriented." This is a new one for me, considering that (as any trained waiter knows) in a restaurant, service is always from the left, clearing from the right. In a polite, family-style meal, dishes are passed to the left.
I have heard many different versions, some having to do with the women of the south seas and which ear they wore a flower behind (indicating if they were married or available), the Arab conventions for the uses of right and left hands, and even Biblical references. Our modern word "sinister" derives from the Latin word for "left"-- if that nugget is of any use.
Many years ago, earrings were supposed to indicate gay or just "fashion-forward straight." An earring on the left was straight (or as my Navy buddies used to say, "right is wrong"). This eventually collapsed, the prevalent theories being: a) A "fashion-forward straight man" was just an epiphany and six beers away from being gay anyway, and b) Straight guys who got an earring but were still paranoid about being mistaken for gay were also the sort that probably had trouble telling their "right" from your "left" (same reason they dance funny).
Levis 501's (the denim of choice for many a leatherman) conveniently has an aft belt loop smack in the middle. Clipped in the middle and tucked in the left pocket could indicate a switch who's feeling rather toppish… or a right-handed top who can't reach his keys all the way on the left. Drummer articles about the much-vaunted hanky and key code as late as 1976 indicated colors and the sides were still variable from place to place, club to club, community to community. The "right" and "left" roles seemed to gel about the same time as communications and travel began to unite and universalize some community standards.
Personally, I would still just ask: "Are you just right-handed or am I glad to see you?"
Myth #66- "Leather shorts indicate a bottom."
The Significance Of Wearing Leather Shorts:
1) You have great legs and want to show them off.
2) You don't have that great of legs but still want to show them off.
3) You want to wear leather but it's a little warm for leather pants or multiple layers of pants and chaps.
Once upon a time, young boys wore short pants. Anyone who has raised boys knows why: They grow like weeds and new clothes are expensive. Shorts lasted longer. In the first half of the twentieth century, before Wal-marts and cheap Indonesian goods, keeping such a creature in proper-length trousers would cost a fortune (and putting your son in dresses would cause talk) so shorts were a good middle-class solution to the problem.
Ironically enough, a boy too young for long pants was addressed as "master." After graduating to tailored trousers, he could be called "mister."
The suggestion that this quaint Victorian/Edwardian plebeian economy translates to leather "boys" is utter nonsense- not to mention the arcane point would be lost on all but "Masterpiece Theater" devotees. Why not dress them up in little sailor suits and curly, golden wigs, which was also the fashion?
Shorts is shorts. Anyone who has been to a leather event in Palm Springs or Key West appreciates that often the choice to wear leather shorts has everything to do with practicality (and perhaps vanity)-- but nothing with position.
Myth #67- "Gay, straight, male or female-it's all the same leather experience."
Many people try to unite a diverse group of individuals by removing their individuality. This misses the point of diversity, perhaps even the point of unity.
We do not all experience the same journey. To expect two people with similar backgrounds in the same leather club to automatically agree on something as basic as a definition of "leather" is unlikely. To expect a straight couple, a leather dyke, a pansexual switch, a femme dome and a gay man to have all shared the same experiences and come up with a common perspective is unreasonable.
In no area is this more apparent than how each of us identify as "leather." For myself and generations of gay men, that is often part of the long process of "coming out"-that combination of self-discovery, difficult choices, liberating honesty and perhaps crushing consequences. It is the gauntlet that gay men had to run; our shared battle experience. The "coming out" story is ubiquitous and nearly cliché for a reason. So much of gay culture and gay literature deals with these themes, which are bewildering to people and generations for whom coming to terms with one's sexuality was not such a grave decision.
When there are consequences to your job, your family, your faith or your position in society-- it may not be just a weekend dalliance or a phase anymore. When you are willing to brave those consequences--you may need more than vague definitions or fantasies to sustain you. What it means to love another man, what leather or community means to you? How important is it and what are you willing to sacrifice?
This process of identity, of "outness," makes a lasting difference in knowing who you are and who your people are. It makes a difference in standing before others without a mask or disguise and when you are introduced using the name on your driver's license rather than a "scene name" or a "stage name." It makes a difference to no longer live in fear of exposure, or that one or more pieces of your fragmented life will come crashing together on the 6 o'clock news. It makes a difference in your view of "leatherocity."
It is said that the most powerful words are the words that are bigger than you; the words you can't take back. "Outness" makes a powerful difference because there is no going back. Although you will continue to explore and refine your journey, it is no longer possible to deny who or what you are.
Myth #68- "Do leatherman name their penis'?"
In the new era of openness about sex, we have heard much about men who have nicknames for their own parts. The question is now part of every MTV celebrity interview. Although I know a few gay men who have named their equipment, I don't know of that many leather guys who have… certain not out of a lack of attention or admiration for the subject at hand.
Some cultures and highly orthodox religions hold their gods in such regard that the mere mention of the holy name is blasphemy. There is no problem, however, knowing exactly what they mean by "The Name That Cannot Be Spoken."
Likewise, I have a theory that most gay leathermen do not name their dicks out of the same reverence towards the deity which they worship.
Myth #69- "Leather is bad because I had a few bad experiences."
There are very few subjects in the leather community which don't eventually bring us back to our own sex lives. When discussing what is wrong with a community made up of hundreds of institutions, businesses, events, organization and thousands of individuals, we often judge by our success at getting laid.
"I had too many bad experiences with supposed 'players'-- so none of it's true." Or "I didn't find the sort of men I expected-- so 'leather' must be a failure." Or "My master/slave relationship didn't work out-- must be because 'leather' relationships don't work."
News Flash: "Leather" is not responsible for your poor choices in men. The "community" didn't go home with 'em, honey-- you did. If the leather community failed here it was in teaching you the meaning of "personal responsibility."
Is "leather" the reason you are alone? Is the leather bar irresponsible because the staff should have been sorting out the diamonds from the glass for you? Is the leather club a failure because it allows members who are not attracted to you (or you are not attracted to them)? Or is the problem that you have unrealistic expectations, possibly from reading too much John Preston and dreaming about a Colt model who steps out of a centerfold to drag you back to his dungeon?
Myth # 70- "…and that's why I'm not involved."
Some folks continue the thread by saying that-- because of these perceived slights and imperfections-- the "community" does not deserve their participation. They loudly proclaim, with righteous indignation, that they will "not be a part of it!"
For thousands of years, folks have been getting fed up dealing with their fellow humans and drop out of the tribe for a while. But do these modern hermits head for the mountains to meditate in solitude? Do they take a monastic pilgrimage to discover truth? Do they retreat apart and separate, independent from the awful "community" which has done them wrong?
Not likely. They do not hesitate to cruise at leather bars, house parties and leather events. They have no problem taking advantage of the benefits, organizations and facilities that came from the "politics" they so despised. They are hardly fasting from whatever cultural, sexual or social results of leather community are within reach.
It's merely their contribution that was cloistered. Disparaging and distancing yourself from the work of others is not only much easier, there is also less personal risk.
So, you're back. Isn't that grand? You didn't cook the buffet, you didn't serve it , you didn't pay for it, you didn't plan it… yet feel free to cut in line with entitlement to both critique and seconds.
All we can do is beg forgiveness for those of us who stuck with it-- who DID become part of the community because we were trying to fix or improve our little corner of it. While you found the concept of "community" to be no more than a convenient dating pool, others felt they had no choice when so much so desperately needed to be done. Glad the community was a disposable thing for you and you were spared the sense of necessity to raise money or provide support services for dying friends.
Glad some of us held the place together so you could saunter back in years later and bitch about how it's all wrong.
